Top 10 post-3a.m. feeding activities when you can’t sleep

1. Make faces out of your belly blubber.
2. Try to remember the number of partners you had and a) realize your a deadbeatmom tramp or b) wish you had sowed your wild oats before you had a baby.
3. Concoct ways to become rich from motherhood a la Baby Einstein and Robeez moms who made millions.
4. Read another baby book.
5. Reminisce about the days when being up at 3 a.m. usually involved dancing and alcohol.
6. Toss the baby book on the floor and read People magazine instead.
7. Smile smugly at the fact you’re a better mom than poor ‘ol Britney.
8. Think of ways to “accidentally” wake up your deadbeat partner who’s sound asleep.
9. Consider popping baby’s acne while he/she is asleep even though you know you shouldn’t.
10. Catch up on Jerry Springer to remind yourself that even post-baby, sleep-deprived, and without makeup, you’re still way hotter than his guests.