10 Ways Studying Theatre Prepared Me for Motherhood

Was watching ‘Little Mosque on the Prarie’ this evening after putting the baby down and spotted a couple of actors I worked with on a show. You see before I became a blogger extraordinaire and a communications ‘guru’ (I’m being ironic here folks), I studied and, upon graduation, temporarily worked in theatre (as an actor, director and stage manager). Needless to say, I got really tired of the poor life and being a brutal waitress, decided to get out.

But that little TV show got me thinking about the four years of training/studying I did and how I still use these skills in relation to motherhood:

1. All those strange breathing/finding your inner voice exercises I did in acting class really came in handy during labour for those low primal grunts.
2. I’m able to ‘feign’ excitement when Noa puts the puzzle piece in the box for the hundreth despite the fact that I’m actually sleeping with my eyes open.
3. I do a mean puppet show.
4. Endless improvisation exercises have allowed me to develop new lyrics to lullabyes including extensive revisions to ‘Hush little baby…’ Examples: “and if that diamond ring don’t shine, Papa’s gonna buy you a bottle of wine. And if that bottle of wine is sour, Mama’s gonna take you to happy hour. ”
5. Animal impersonations are my middle name.
6. I’m prepared to make a complete ass of myself for a couple of laughs from my ‘audience’ of one.
7. The pay is crap.
8. Just like with the Actor’s Equity Union, once you’ve joined the motherhood gang, like it or not, you’re in it for life.
9. Not showering for several days is truly a form of artistic expression.
10. Motherhood is a lot like being a stage manager: you’re there to make sure everyone’s needs are catered to, the set dishes are washed, floor mopped and that everything runs on schedule and NOBODY thanks you.

10 Truths About the First Year of Motherhood

Well it’s hard to believe it, but the little man ain’t so little any longer–he turned one on the 25th. The year has certainly been an adventure/experiment in sleep deprivation. I’ve also been smacked with a few other revelations along the way. For full impact, I suggest reading this list while listening to Barbara Striesand’s “The Way We Were.”

1) Even if you’ve managed to lose all the baby weight, it’s likely because any muscle tone you had before birth has been replaced by fat, which is lighter.

2) 90 % of the stress and anxiety caused by baby woes is likely to be unloaded onto your unsuspecting mate when he forgets to take out the trash, sleeps through the baby’s teething screams or butters the toast in that really f*$#ing annoying way!

3) You realize that your hair is getting used to being washed every five days.

4) You’ll sing ridiculous songs a thousand times in a row just to keep the kid happy so you can get dinner made, the diaper changed, or those emails sent.

5) “The girls” will never be the same…

6) In the good times, you think about having another baby, then realize you’d have to have sex.

7) After a couple of drinks you think about partying all night like in “the good old days,” until you envision yakking your guts out with a whiny baby next to you at 5am.

Absolutely everyone is a parenting expert.

9) A little pee here and there never killed anyone.

10) Despite the fact you’ve aged ten years and your muffintop jiggles, your baby’s infectious laugh reminds you it was so worth it.