October is a month like none other in my world. It’s the month I got married in, and the month that two of my three boys were born. Add to this Canadian Thanksgiving and Halloween (and now the American League playoffs) and you’ve got an action-packed “adventure” every weekend. And by “adventure” I mean an insane, self-inflicted schedule of party planning, cake making and costume creation that usually includes wine, at least one all-nighter and a few intense moments of panic when I think I’m not going to have something ready in time.
And EVERY October, I swear I’m NEVER EVER GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN! Next time, I say to myself, I’m just going to buy the damn cake. Next time, when my kids ask to be an obscure Pokemon or Octonaut character (and we’re talking REALLY obscure) I’m going to tell them they can be any character they sell at the party store. PIKACHU will have to do!
I’m totally envious of those moms that are okay to buy their way out of jams like these. Dinner? No problem, there’s a box in the freezer for that. Cake? Dairy Queen does ’em just fine. Costume? Here’s a sheet!
So why am I like this and why do I do this–especially in October? Well, I should probably also disclose that five years ago this October, my mother died. In fact, she died the day after my middle son’s 2nd birthday.
My mom was a powerful force in my life. She had struggles–financial, relationship-wise with my dad and as a newcomer to Canada. But these struggles never defined her. She was powerful, she was proud and she loved to laugh. Most importantly, she put her kids above everything else.
She made my cakes (though never R2D2, I’ll admit), she made my costumes, always hosted Thanksgiving and managed a full-time job. When I grew up, she made food for my friends (who were always way more impressed than my brothers and I) and offered up dishes for parties and baby showers she wasn’t even attending. Heck, she offered to crochet a cap for my roomate’s dreadlocked brother! And that’s just the way my mom was. She’d literally offer you the shirt of her back if you complimented her on it (apparently she asked my aunt if she wanted the shirt).
Don’t get me wrong, my mom was far from perfect. But her imperfections were what endeared her to people and to me.
That first October as an orphan preparing for Halloween was the real start of my costume-making ritual. I literally spent all night lovingly painting diaper boxes to look like Thomas the Tank Engine and Hiro of the Rails. As I developed creative solutions for every challenge–paper plates for wheels, a dollar store miner’s style headlamp for the train light–I thought a lot about all the costumes, prom dresses and events my mom had spent so much time on. Time, energy and effort, I so hadn’t truly appreciated until that night. I cried, I laughed, I drank wine and I painted. I was so very alone, and yet my mom’s voice, her spirit and her energy were all there with me in the basement at 2 a.m. as I worked on making those train costumes a reality.
And so every year, despite the fact that I’m exhausted and overstretched and so achingly sad because I can’t pick up the phone to complain to her, or tell her the ridiculously cute things her grandchildren said, I’m there pulling an all-nighter. Because I guess I hope someday when I’m not around, my boys will be prepping for a birthday party or for Halloween for their own kids and will take a moment amidst the chaos to chuckle and say to one another, “remember the time that mom pulled an all-nighter to make those Octonaut Vegimal costumes?”
Pam, that last paragraph was so poignant! You’re a beautiful storyteller, with just the right amounts of humour and righteous anger. ~ Alison
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Thanks Miss Jones! “Righteous anger–” I’m going to use that with my husband next time he gripes about my temper! 🙂
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I loved your post! I think you’re a closet superhero because of all that you do for your kids!
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Thanks Oscar! Not so much of a superhero but a momma with pride for sure!
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I wanted to echo how nicely this story transitioned from the fast-paced demands of the month, to a quiet moment to reflect on the contributions of your mom.
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Thanks Door Belle. Fast they are, especially in October.
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I love this. My mom used to make my costumes too. I wish I was creative enough and had sewing skills so I can make my costumes. so much better and original than store bought.
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Thanks Evan! I actually such at sewing. Most of the costumes I do involve a hot glue gunman some hand stitches. My.motto is, “they just gotta last one day!”
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This is beautiful and touching! . I’ll have a baby soon and I really hope to have the energy and enthusiasm to create this lifetime kind of memories for her. Thanks for sharing.
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Glad you liked it. It’s amazing what energy you manage to find, especially in those first few months of motherhood. They can be overwhelming. Good luck!
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