Signs you’re on your third boy…

ImageI’ve always considered myself a pretty relaxed mom in that I’ve let my boys explore the world fairly uninhibited (only leashed them for about 2 weeks during the height of the “bolting for the street phase.”). But as my third boy approaches the “into everything in sight” stage, I’ve noticed I’m starting to really let my standards slide–how else is he going to learn??? You’re probably on your third boy if:

  1. Cords are a valid distraction so long as they’re unplugged from the wall (they can still be plugged into the computer though–a small shock could possibly have a Pavlovian effect).
  2. You’re fine with your 6-year-old spinning the baby around provided said baby is still giggling (even though you’re well aware that it could all end in tears and a visit to the hospital).
  3. You’ve “lost” your baby in the backyard only to discover him stuck, lying on his back in  a bush like an overturned turtle (true story).
  4. You’ve started telling people that the semi-permanent bruise on your baby’s forehead is, in fact, a birthmark, despite the fact that it seems to move from one side of his head to another.
  5. Day four of his life was spent in the emergency room because you literally dropped him on his head (to be fair, it hurt me way more than him).
  6. Crumbs on the floor are a legitimate form of nutrition.
  7. Dirt and rocks also count as food.
  8. 2 days in the same sleeper is the norm…(I’m an environmentalist trying to conserve water!)
  9. You’re grateful that the baby inherited his dad’s dark skin because you frequently forget to apply sunscreen.
  10. You’re relieved you forget to apply sunscreen because, although you bought the stuff, the Vitamin D remains unopened.

The deadbeat is back!

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Please be a girl or a fussy, neat gay boy!

Yup. Preggars for a third time!  Just when I thought I’d seen the last of dirty diapers, sleepless nights and a line-backer like body I up and got knocked up!

 
Trying to pitch “40 and Pregnant” to MTV about the struggles of a 40-year-old pregnant woman who must live with the burden of pregnancy all WITHOUT the use of Botox or Retin-A.
 
Stay tuned!  If I can get over my “elderly mom” fatigue, I’ll write more soon!